A Few Pointers on Point of View, Part 2: Viewpoint

Part 1 of A Few Pointers discussed the broad subject of Point of View (POV). For every story there's someone holding the camera through which we view the action. Whatever that specific camera captures of the action and characters is all that readers get to know about the story. But there is a deeper viewing level in POV narrating with subtle yet significant influence called viewpoint.

To be honest, it may be the camera/movie analogy that causes authors confusion with viewpoint when they write in any tense or POV, because the action in movies usually moves effortlessly from face to face and scene to scene, capturing emotions that aren’t necessarily viewed by the narrating character but must be viewed by the audience for significance in the storyline. When we use words to put all of that emotion and action on a page, we have tighter rules regarding flow to keep our story seamless for our readers. The POV narrator will choose characters to drive readers through each scene. This character becomes the viewpoint for the action as it plays out in relation to that character, his or her thoughts, feelings, observations, etc.

In a book, if the narrator chooses Darla to carry the scene, as her attention is captivated by one suitor, the narrator draws our attention to the action as it relates to Darla. We'll know what's making her blush, we can get insights from her observations, but we won't be able to know what the other suitor is thinking or feeling so long as she's not observing him.

If Darla is our viewpoint character, we will read the scene as it affects her; the scene will move as though bending and revolving around her. What her eyes observe in the dining hall will be what the narrator can offer comment on. The suitor she interacts with will be the focus of the narrator; the narrator will ignore the jealous suitor until Darla gives him notice. If the narrator enters the scene with Darla's viewpoint, to keep readers in the flow, the POV must stay fixed on Darla's presence and interactions.

Here's what an unwarranted viewpoint shift would read like if we started in Darla's viewpoint and suddenly entered Alfalfa's:

When she heard Waldo's voice, Darla turned from speaking with Alfalfa to greet him. She found it rude that he so obviously interrupted their dinner, but politely extended her hand as he bowed stiffly from the waist. Alfalfa couldn't believe Waldo would intrude on such a special moment.

The bolded phrases in that paragraph demonstrate how we enter two different sources of feeling/reaction during one scene. The reactive, observational, or internal feeling of the action should only be narrated through one character at a time, the character chosen as the viewpoint lens. Below is another example of what not to do.

Harry couldn’t believe what Ron had just said to him. He wanted to ring Ron’s stupid neck, but stupid Hermione stood between them with arms outstretched, keeping the boys apart. Ron looked back at Harry with smug satisfaction knowing his words had cut Harry deeply. Hermione loudly sighed with exasperation, impatient that her two friends would be such dolts over nothing.

Here, in one brief scene, we entered three different minds. Don’t do that. If you don’t see a problem with the flow in these paragraphs, your homework is to study up on POV and viewpoint.

One last example of viewpoint: Think of the Sherlock Holmes movie, A Game of Shadows. We mostly follow the action as described and put in motion by Sherlock, and every now and again we enter his mind to preview how he’s about to take down his opponent. He narrates a play-by-play of each blow the opponent will receive at his hand. That action unfolds from Sherlock’s viewpoint.

Well, in the ending struggle scene between Moriarty and Sherlock, we watch how the action will play out first according to Sherlock, but then Moriarty says in his mind, “Come now, you really think you’re the only one who can play this game?” Moriarty interrupts the Sherlock viewpoint, and where normally that could be a faux pas, it works because of the directing style and character development of the film.



When in Moriarty’s mind he succeeds in pushing Sherlock over the ledge, he raises his arms victorious. We get to partake of his emotion; we are suspended in his viewpoint. Then we shift back to the “present” moment before any of the envisioned fighting happens, back into the Sherlock viewpoint.

See how effortlessly the camera gets to move through viewpoints? We don’t even realize it as we watch movies unless we’re looking for it. And while movies can get away with this, books can’t. We’re so used to seeing it happen and some authors mistakenly mimic movies and try to pinball between viewpoints to cover everyone’s emotions in each scene. The problem is, we read differently than we watch. In film, we can only interpret by what we’re allowed to see, so movies have to show it all. There’s no expository paragraph that explains how Watson is feeling in the film; we watch his eyes stare in shock and slowly close in disbelief.

To take a peek at the differences between written and visual POV, I wrote out what that scene from the movie might read like as a scene in a book. We'll start right after Moriarty believes he will come out victor of the pretend fight scenario.

With pipe smoke pulsing from his mouth, Sherlock Holmes stared his nemesis down, cautious not to let his mind reveal his next move. He cracked a wide, uncertain smile and led his opponent to believe his thoughts surrendered with, “Conclusion inevitable . . .” Moriarty’s face broke with a satisfied sneer. Sherlock shifted his pipe around his teeth. “Unless—”

Whipping the pipe from his mouth, Sherlock blasted a puff of breath at the still-burning lighter in Moriarty’s hand. Tiny sparks flew at the professor’s face and instinctively he turned away. Locking Moriarty’s arms and body into a hold, Sherlock braced himself against the stone banister and kicked his foot up to the chess table to launch the pair of them over the edge.

In the instant before Sherlock pushed off, Watson hurried through the balcony door from inside the mansion. If any word of warning had been prepared on Watson’s lips, it instantly vanished as he took in the scene before him. Sherlock tossed his friend one last familiar smirk, closed his eyes, and pushed backward with all his might.

Sherlock knew that two were falling, but with eyes closed he regained his cherished solitude. He preferred to think of himself as purposefully taking an unconventional shortcut to the bottom of the mountain. He heard only the air rushing past his ears, felt only the stinging kiss of the raging waterfall mist. His opponent released him and they plunged into silence.

Watson stood by the door staring at the emptiness where an instant before his friend’s eyes stared back. He slowly blinked, daring not to believe. He stepped toward the banister, absently rounding the chess table with unfinished game. His eyes fixed on the ledge where the soft layer of snow had been abruptly swept away by the fallen. With his body rigid, Watson leaned out of the balcony shadows, his wrinkled brow catching the moonlight. He peered down the torrential falls at the tight canyon walls disappearing below the icy mist. He did not trust to hope even his cunning friend had survived such a drop.

In writing, it made more sense to follow Sherlock off the cliff and complete the action from his viewpoint before returning to finish the scene from Watson’s viewpoint. In the movie we watch Watson’s reaction for a few seconds before witnessing the two men falling. To do that in writing would cause readers to ping-pong between perspectives and it isn’t natural in the reading setting. But when the scene breaks naturally, switching to Watson to wrap up the emotion and observation is a seamless move in writing.

POV Points to Remember

1. Choose your story’s overall point of view according to the most important information that you’ll need to share.

If you’re going to need to include several scenes from the past or happening simultaneously to the main character’s storyline, don’t choose 1st person. If you need help finding out which POV might be best for your story, pick an important scene that involves multiple character and write it in each POV. You may discover you prefer one presentation of the scene over the others.

2. Choose your viewpoint character per scene and stick to it.

Whichever character will be introducing us to the scene and directing the “camera” around to capture the action they observe, remember to keep their lens as the only one you narrate and describe the action through.

3. Execute changes in viewpoint at clear and natural scene, chapter, or section breaks.

If you have questions or any other tips that helped you practice POV and viewpoint, leave a comment!

Interview with a Publisher

We're taking a break from our NaNo posts to think about the future of those NaNo manuscripts. Have you ever wanted to get the inside scoop on how to get your manuscript noticed? Recently, we were privileged to interview author, editor, publishing veteran, and Disney enthusiast Lisa Mangum about her publishing insights. Read our interview with her below.

What do you look for in a cover letter that pushes you to read the manuscript attached?
I like a cover letter that is well-written and professional. The best cover letters have a solid hook for the manuscript that is specific and engaging and that touches on the four main elements of the story: the protagonist, the main goal, the main obstacle, and the consequence of failure. (For example: Frodo must journey to Mount Doom, battling an army of evil creatures, in order to destroy the Ring of Power, or else all of Middle Earth will fall into shadow.)

What kind of information do you like to see in the short author bio?
When it comes to author bios, tell me the important details about yourself that relate to writing. I’m interested in if you’ve been published before, if you belong to any writer’s groups or attend any writer’s conferences, or if you have won any awards or honors for your work. For first-time writers, that can be tricky since you may not have a long writing resume to share. In that case, less is more; use the space you would have used on your bio to tell me more about your book.

In the first page or so, what are the first clues or triggers in a manuscript that make you know you won’t read more? And which elements do you recognize that make you want to read more?

The first page is so important when it comes to reviewing a manuscript, and yet the main job of the first page is to make me want to read page two. I think it’s important to present a problem on that very first page—it doesn’t have to be a big problem, but if there is something amiss right out of the gate, I’m more likely to continue reading. It’s also great if you can show your hero doing something heroic in the first couple of pages. Again, it doesn’t have to be him saving the world, but a small act of kindness, or a clever quip to showcase his sense of humor, or a moment of bravery can go a long way in establishing a character and making me want to read more about him. I’ll often stop reading early in a manuscript if there are too many grammatical or spelling errors, if the writing voice is flat, if the characters are two-dimensional, if there is too much info-dumping or unnecessary description.

How can authors get their manuscript to the top of the slush pile? How can they set their book apart from other submissions?
Easy—write the best book ever written. :) Seriously, though, often I’ll pay special attention to manuscripts that come in from authors who are active in the writing community, who have attended writer’s conferences, or who have clearly paid attention to the submission guidelines and who have done their homework. Your submission is essentially your job application. You want a publisher to hire you to write stories, and your submission is proof that you would be a good investment. You wouldn’t apply for a job with a company that you didn’t know anything about, so don’t submit your manuscript without doing some homework about the company beforehand.

What are some vital things you feel a manuscript needs before you’ll consider publishing it?
I love to find a great story told with a fresh voice and built on a solid foundation of excellent writing.

What advice would you give NaNoWriMo writers who want to submit their work for publication?
Wait! NaNo is a wonderful way to get words down on paper, but any time you write that many words that quickly, you’ll want to make sure you go back through it and revise it and polish it before you submit it. So enjoy NaNo. Write all the words you have. And then wait a few months to let it settle, then spend a few more months editing and revising. Wait another month just to be sure. Then submit it. It’ll be a better book when you do.

What's the most important thing a writer can do with their manuscript before submitting it?
I don’t know if this is the most important thing, but one thing I like to do is read the manuscript out loud. That will help slow you down and see what is actually on the page and not what you think is on the page. It will help you catch typos, missing words, and spots where the writing is awkward or uneven. And if you are brave enough to read it out loud to someone else, you’ll be able to gauge if you’ve hit the emotional notes you were aiming for. Did they laugh in the right places? Cry? Beg you to read just one more chapter? If not, then you know where to go back for another look at revisions.

Do you like it when authors attach photos of themselves?
Author photos are unnecessary at the submission stage. I’m sure you look very nice, but I’m way more interested in what you’ve written and the kind of story you can tell than in how you look.

Can you tell us a bit about the manuscript acceptance and rejection processes and about how long it usually takes to hear back?
At Deseret Book/Shadow Mountain, the process is essentially the same. An author may submit his or her work online at submissions.deseretbook.com or submissions.shadowmountain.com. Then it undergoes our review process, in which we look at every single submission that comes in and evaluate the overall idea and the strength of the writing. We look at our current publishing plans and see what kinds of manuscripts we need (or which genres are oversaturated). Manuscripts that show promise are passed around the review committee for additional feedback. When we find one we would like to publish, we contact the author and begin the next phase of the process: contracts and scheduling. If, unfortunately, we decide to pass on a manuscript, we email the author with that decision as well. Our review process takes anywhere between eight to twelve weeks.

What steps should authors take upon receiving a rejection, if any?
Rejection hurts, no doubt about it, so I think it’s okay to feel sad when you receive a rejection letter from a publisher—but only for a short time. After that, you need to move forward and submit your work elsewhere. There are a lot of publishers out there, and a lot of options for authors, and the best way to turn a rejection letter into an acceptance letter is to continue to practice your craft, improve your skills, submit your work, and never let a rejection be the end of your career.

~

The editors at Castle Editorial know how much you want your manuscript to shine before you submit it to publishers. We want to help you get your submission noticed by any acquisitions editor as well as help free your manuscript from those tangles that prevent a publisher from picking your book. Those subtle issues, as Lisa mentioned, include "too many grammatical or spelling errors, if the writing voice is flat, if the characters are two-dimensional, if there is too much info-dumping or unnecessary description." When we get a chance to point those elements out to you with our guaranteed two sets of experienced eyes, we help your polished manuscript rise to the top! If you have any questions, leave a comment below. We can't wait to read your work!

Many thanks to Lisa for all of her great tips and information! Her wisdom and experience never cease to amaze.

Lisa Mangum has worked in the publishing department of Deseret Book since 1997 and is currently the Acquisitions Editor and Product Development Assistant. She specializes in editing fiction for the Shadow Mountain imprint and has worked with several New York Times best-selling authors, including Ally Condie, James Dashner, and Jason F. Wright. While fiction is her first love, she also has experience working with nonfiction projects (memoir, educational, cookbooks, etc.) and some children’s picture books.

She loves finding that “diamond in the rough” in the slush pile, and she is particularly skilled in the developmental editing part of the process. Lisa is also the author of four national best-selling YA novels (The Hourglass Door trilogy and After Hello). She graduated with honors from the University of Utah and currently lives in Taylorsville, Utah, with her husband, Tracy.

So What?

One of the most vital aspects of a novel that's often forgotten by rookie authors is the "so what?" or, in other words, the consequence. What happens if your main character fails in his quest? What if she doesn't break the curse? What if he joins the dark side? What if they don't reach the Emerald City? What is the consequence? What's at stake?

Part of thinking about your story in terms of consequences is thinking about the actions that precede the consequences. So basically: this action leads to this consequence, which leads to more action. Sometimes, consequences stem from your main character's decisions. Other times, the consequence is created by others' actions, which in turn affect the main character. Whatever the case, in a great story, something is always at stake.

Let's take The Hunger Games, by Suzanne Collins, as an example. Katniss Everdeen has one thing she loves completely: her little sister, Prim. When Effie Trinket draws Prim's name (action), Prim must fight to the death in the games (consequence). But Katniss cannot bear to watch her sister fight and inevitably die, so she volunteers to take Prim's place (action) and engages in a fight to the death (consequence).

What would have happened had the story been more like, "Prim sat at home, and one day she died. And Katniss cried." That's hardly a story. Even, "Prim's name was drawn, she fought in the games, and she died. Katniss cried." That's a little bit better, but still not a bestseller. But this, "Prim's name was called, Katniss cried out that she would take her place, and Katniss was immediately taken away from her family to go fight to the death in the games." Now that's a story people want to read. That's bestseller material.

So what is the one thing that matters most to your main character? Is it family? Honor? Love? Survival? Whatever it is, take it away. But remember that it needs to be a consequence of someone's actions. For Katniss, her family was at stake. And then her own life hung in the balance.

Now, it was her choice to volunteer to take her sister's place in the games; it was her actions that forced her to deal with the consequence. But whose actions forced her to make that decision? The Capitol. And that is how an antagonist is born. The actions the villain takes against the hero are a means of revealing the villain. (If you want to throw your readers off the trail of the antagonist, have him take actions that benefit the hero at first. Then later, reveal that his actions were all just to further his plot to destroy the hero in some way.)

Every character or group will take action in your story. Does Katniss volunteer? Does Peeta throw the bread? Does Haymitch send supplies? These actions will all lead to consequences and future actions. Imagine how things would be different if any of these characters (or your own characters) had made different decisions. The consequences would be different. If you are stuck in writer's block, look at the consequences of your characters' actions. Make the consequences more severe. Put something even more important on the line. Does the character have anything left to lose? If yes, then put that on the line. If no, then put her life on the line.

The most important thing to remember is that without any consequences, there's no story. If Prim's name was drawn to receive a sack of potatoes, then Katniss would pat Prim on the head and they would go home. And that would be it. Or would it? Even the most innocent of actions can have dire consequences if you, the author, make it so. What if the sack of potatoes had been poisoned? What if the rest of the town was starving and they end up breaking into Katniss's house just for the potatoes? What if both of those things happened and the members of the town began dying off because of the poison? And then comes the question: who poisoned the potatoes?

Though a story about poisoned potatoes may be interesting, a story about a girl who has to fight other teenagers to the death may be a bit more interesting. So don't be afraid to raise the stakes. It is only when the consequence is so terrible that the character feels like she has no choice. And it's when she feels like she has no choice that she makes a decision. Does she sit back? Or does she stand up? Is she ready to face the consequences of her decision? Well, ready or not, she will have to.

So, you're an author and you write a book with high stakes and drastic consequences (action). So what? Well, readers will stick around to see what happens (consequence), and maybe you'll be the next bestseller (even better consequence).