This poem is music to our ears. Credit goes to redditor /u/RamsesThePigeon.
It's with an apostrophe simply means "it is."
Its denotes possession, much like "hers" or "his."
Everyday means commonplace, mundane, or benign.
Every day just indicates consistent points in time.
Your implies that something belongs solely to "you."
You're is short for "you are," which you already knew.
Whose is for possession; ownership again.
Who's gets used for "who is," like "Hey there! Who's your friend?"
There is a location, they're means "they are."
Their means it belongs to them. (It's the most misused by far.)
Two is just a number, too can mean "as well."
To is a preposition, like "Damn it, go to hell!"
Passed refers to passing, it's something that you did.
Past involves direction, time, or a period.
Than implies comparison, brought to mind forthwith.
Then is for progression, or the partner to "if."
If ever something fazes you, it might make you swoon.
Phases reference different states, like those of the moon.
Loose implies that something is neither firm nor tight.
Lose is what you do when you get into a fight.
Advice is something that you give when you try to advise.
Alot is simply not a word. Claims that it is are lies.
Affect is a potent verb and effect is a noun.
(True, there are exceptions, but those do not abound.)
Now you know the proper use, your excuses are gone.
If you still misuse homophones, then you are a moron.